Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
