Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bring me that man meat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
