is your mom at the bar?
that's an acceptable place to lick
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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