Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
