just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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