Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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