1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
