I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You are a genius and a whore.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
