why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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