in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
