i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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