Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize