Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
