Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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