I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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