I wish I could punch you in the face.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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