I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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