her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
