so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I did not marry a roomba.
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