but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
