SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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