I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
