ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
