Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can text with my tongue
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
