Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
