Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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