So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
COCAINE IS GR8
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