I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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