Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
