oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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