Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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