How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
