Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Plan B is the new Plan A
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
