I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
