We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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