Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
