are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
