Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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