Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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