fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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