o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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