Your dad touched me again.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
