why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
