Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
