he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
