Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
