We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
