just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
