soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
