Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
