she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
