so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
