Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
