Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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