i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
