I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
