She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
