i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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