My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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