Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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