He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
