I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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