She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
