We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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