He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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